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ent # 43
Mar. 10th, 2008 | 10:11 pm
music: I Know I Know I Know- Teagan & Sarah
So things are coming along. My dress is like 95% finished...weddingbands are in our possession...and work seems to be going swimmingly...My boss thinks I might be a good shift suppervisor... How soon depends on me...we're supposed to be having a talk about it sometime soon...I'm so tired right now...Which makes me a real crank...
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ent # 42
Feb. 14th, 2008 | 10:28 pm
music: Teagan & Sarah-My Number
So just got home from work...
Today has lasted too long I think...Started my day with a bang...got up a little later than I would have liked, chocked down some pancakes and argued my way out the door...missed bus...so we thought...but it was late and we caught it...big fuss these buses...said he'd connect us...but there was no bus....got to the bank appointment on time somehow...lady told us we couldn't get a loan, but to try again in 6 months...work was ok...hung out at the mall with nate...read his story...then couldn't afford drinks from work...felt like a big-time loser....got stuck in a gloom...Alykhan has another wedding to rush off to after ours...so I dunno...I guess every bride wants her day to be special...but everyone seems to have chosen that week....WHY! I'm just a sodden mop of flesh...I make everyone miserable....for heaven's sake...it's Valentines day...isn't it supposed to be a day full of happiness and joy...?
Today has lasted too long I think...Started my day with a bang...got up a little later than I would have liked, chocked down some pancakes and argued my way out the door...missed bus...so we thought...but it was late and we caught it...big fuss these buses...said he'd connect us...but there was no bus....got to the bank appointment on time somehow...lady told us we couldn't get a loan, but to try again in 6 months...work was ok...hung out at the mall with nate...read his story...then couldn't afford drinks from work...felt like a big-time loser....got stuck in a gloom...Alykhan has another wedding to rush off to after ours...so I dunno...I guess every bride wants her day to be special...but everyone seems to have chosen that week....WHY! I'm just a sodden mop of flesh...I make everyone miserable....for heaven's sake...it's Valentines day...isn't it supposed to be a day full of happiness and joy...?
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ent # 41
Feb. 11th, 2008 | 09:36 am
location: Home
music: Teagan & Sarah- You wouldn't like me
yummm...drinking homemade iced tea by the computer, listening to music...and between bored and almost energized....it's great...I don't have to go to work for like two more hours...I may not be a certified Barista yet...but I don't suck at my job...which is nice...today is "big Monday" .... quoth KT...I get Jessie all to myself for like 3 hours to go over the rest of my modules....Don't remember if I mentioned it...but I am now the proud wearer of contacts :D ...hopefully I can pay for my contacts this Friday....hopefully Renu is feeling better (the contact lens-fitter at Nate's work)
I wonder if you have to put the makeup on before you put in the contacts...'Cuz this one Salon/day spa thingy in their flyer (from the bridal show) said to remove them before application....but how do you put them back in without f***ing up the makeup...makes no sense to me...
Off to putter elsewhere...
I wonder if you have to put the makeup on before you put in the contacts...'Cuz this one Salon/day spa thingy in their flyer (from the bridal show) said to remove them before application....but how do you put them back in without f***ing up the makeup...makes no sense to me...
Off to putter elsewhere...
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ent # 40
Feb. 10th, 2008 | 09:51 am
location: home
music: Into the Airwaves- Jack's Mannequin
So Nate finally went to the clinic after being prescribed a puffer that does shit all....and they say he might have nmonia...geez...I wish they would stop their guessing...it scares me...Working lots...and wedding list seems never ending...but oh well...I think I've decided to get my hair done in finger waves...with awesome retro makeup...and I think it would be totally awesome if Shelly had Victory rolls...and of course Kim...she might do her usual curly hair thing....maybe part up do...with retro makeup of course...and they get to wear yellow dresses with blue sashes....beginning to get a little excited now.... :D
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ent # 39
Feb. 8th, 2008 | 03:38 pm
location: Home
music: Pancho & Lefty- Kaitie Melua
So yah...things are putting along... Wedding, domestic life (ish), and work seem to consume all my time...Not too bad because I like my job for once...and things are slowly piecing together as far as the wedding is concerned...I have a few good friends who I talk to sometimes...I might start working out with Sam soon...which will be cool...oh...all the good times we are going to have at the Y...I don't take as many photos as I'd like...but I think once this blasted snow thaws I will seize the opportunity...too cold for my camera I would think...I don't want it dying on me....Caitlin dropped off a video camera a while back...from my friend Ashleigh...which was awesome...but even that we haven't had a chance to test out...we talk a lot about buying a home...but I'm not sure how long I want to stay in PG...I want to be well traveled before I start having children...I guess I'm afraid if we stay here all chances of travel will disappear...that and I want to live in n.van again....sigh....to the laundry room I go....
Stomp Stomp Stomp....Drag Drag Drag....Sigh some more....lol
Stomp Stomp Stomp....Drag Drag Drag....Sigh some more....lol
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ent# 38
Jan. 31st, 2008 | 05:56 pm
location: home
music: Yeagan & Sara-I know I know I know
Been at my mom's for a little while now...things are how they will be. Our patience grows thin at times, but I attribute that to our desire to be on our own again. Been working at Starbucks for almost a month now, and quickly nearing the end of my training...there never seems to be enough money...but isn't that what makes life so enjoyable....finish this later
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ent# 37
Sep. 21st, 2007 | 11:57 pm
Things finally feel as if they're moving forward. Nate and I are still struggling to catch up to our bills, and we're going to be moving out of his mom's and into my mom's in November. I ordered my veil, a beautiful birdcage veil, that is coming all the way from Manchester, MN. And I have started to buy the fabric for my gown, today I found the most stunning blue satin...i bought enough for my sash and the ones Kim is making for the bridesmaids as well...I would have bought the fabric for the rest of the gown, but they didn't have enough of the fabric i wanted. They did find some at another store...so I'll pick it up on Thursday...or when they call...whichever comes first. Oh...the fabric I chose for the gown is saxaphone shantung, I fell in love with it the moment I saw it...I'm so glad they found it...I wanted an ivory dress...I'm so glad that they could find it...otherwise I would've ended up with a real mess...i would've had an ivory veil and a white dress...not that many would notice the difference too much...I'm gonna wait until next paycheck to pick up my serving set...we'll see...if i can wait that long. I actually had a bit of a bridezilla moment today...who would've thought I'd freak out over too much help...i felt kinda claustrophobic in the fabric store...maybe 'cause it was raining...and the ladies and Nate, and everyone else seemed to want me to choose right then and there...all I wanted was space...I was fine later...Mom, Shelly and I went dress "shopping"...I made my sister (Shelly) try on so many dresses...for her swing class and the wedding....she ended up getting this hot...sorta fucia pink colored get up...it looked great on her...and what a steal...$10...I couldn't believe it...she really seemed to like it...so we got it for her...then I went to work...and I was absolutely glowing I'm sure...I didn't even mind cleaning the washroom...I'm so excited now...I can hardly wait...
Toodles <3
Toodles <3
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ent# 36
Sep. 3rd, 2007 | 07:39 pm
location: Prince George
It's been a long time since I've posted anything...things have been both good and bad...all for various reasons...Nate and I are in PG now...which is a mixed blessing...Getting here wasn't easy...and now we're here things aren't necessarily going as we'd hoped. we're living at his mom's house...and thankfully she hasn't asked rent from us yet...because I'm not sure we'd be able to pay up...we were going to stay at a friend's, but I doubt (very much so) that they'll ever finish the suite...we're supposed to hang out on Friday or something. I miss my old job sorely...perhaps that's why I can't make myself adjust to work at the dollar store..I did get hired at Carlton's...I'll probably quit the dollar store within the next month or so...so much drama...don't know how much more I can take sometimes...but what can I do? I need the money...we're behind on bills because of the move...and we've just changed our phones over...and found one for my mom...now I can keep in touch with her...makes me feel better about things. My mom has been very supportive about all this since we got up here...she sends my sister over with our mail every now and then....although I don't mind visiting her either...I've been so tired lately..don't know if it's 'cause I'm not eating enough...or just 'cause I work almost every day of the week...I had my first day at Carlton's on Saturday ...and I had a lot of fun...they're thinking of training me as key holder...3rd key...sounds better than cashier...I hate...when you hate the job...but like the people...I don't wanna hurt anyone when I leave the dollar store...but I know that I don't want to stay long...Nate got a job about a week and a half ago...working in the kitchen at Red Robbin's...Not the best of jobs...but it'll do for now...Besides bills thing's have been good here...went to the rum jungle with Caitlin a while back...it was weird at first because Nate wasn't there...
Burnaby had it's good moments too...clubbing with Alykhan...running rampant with my camera...visiting with my uncle (he was in van for mouth cancer surgery) ...and random hanging out with friends...but the stress wasn't worth staying...i had two jobs to keep us a float...and Nathan worked his buns off at a no-where job... We ate slept and worked...and then worked more...leaving it behind was so freeing. I feel out of place right now...but it'll all fall into place soon enough...I just feel stuck...like our money troubles will never end...and because of that Nate and I will never get married...It's a terrible feeling...I hope it fades...
<3
Burnaby had it's good moments too...clubbing with Alykhan...running rampant with my camera...visiting with my uncle (he was in van for mouth cancer surgery) ...and random hanging out with friends...but the stress wasn't worth staying...i had two jobs to keep us a float...and Nathan worked his buns off at a no-where job... We ate slept and worked...and then worked more...leaving it behind was so freeing. I feel out of place right now...but it'll all fall into place soon enough...I just feel stuck...like our money troubles will never end...and because of that Nate and I will never get married...It's a terrible feeling...I hope it fades...
<3
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ent# 35
Apr. 9th, 2007 | 09:36 am
music: seven nation army-white stripes
Easter has been good to me...I've had a few days of rest...and I'm feeling great. Friday Nate and I did a bunch of shopping for the house. Too much...we realized later... But it was fun, and it was the only truly sunny day out of the lot. Saturday we did our laundry...all at the same time at the laundromat...it was fun....but 2 hrs at a laundromat is just too much. Later we went to visit Kim, to keep her awake on her 28hr crazyness work schedual. We dragged her out to boston pizza and sent her on her way home. Sunday was the most exciting day, but you have to wait to find out why. We woke up early...but it was raining...so we stayed in...rather I milled around the house trying to keep myself amused while Nate snoozed. Finally, at about 1pm the sun came out and so did we. We got on a bus, ran into neighbor, and downtown we went. Past all the road construction (skytrain, under granville) we went and to futureshop we wandered (rather marched). Inside we beheld my camera, and it was the very last one. But when it came to applying for the instore credit card...i was turned away (quite rudely might I add) because I didn't have my credit card with me...apparently a sin card and BC ID isn't good enough anymore. But thankfully Nate had his, so we just put it on his. I got a Nikon D80 with a AF-S DX Nikkor 18-135 mm zoom lense ( I shortened what it says on the box), and a camera bag...and warranty of course... it only came to just under 1900, because they know us at the granville and robson futureshop...so we got some discounts... We then went to chapters and put my lovely together. Then to Whitespot we went...and discovered that the guy sold us the wrong kind of memory card. So we went back, and exchanged it for the right kind, gaining us an extra gig of memory. We went home, I plugged in the battery...waiting for my lovely to come to life I read her instruction book...most of the info didn't adhere...but I can at least take a decent picture with it. Better than with Nate's point and shoot.
cheers,
Grace<3
cheers,
Grace<3
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ent# 34
Mar. 4th, 2007 | 10:41 am
So I am really rather tired right now, and it's not from working 6 days a week, but rather from having stayed up until nearly 5 this morning. It wasn't entirely bad....I'm just tired. Nate and I went to a party at a friend of his, and didn't leave until almost 3am...we were playing balderdash, and a few of the players were a little thick headed...not to mention unable to carry an actual conversation...the night consisted of a lot of people talking over one another...in turn making me really rather stressed out...enough about that...
Nate, Kim, and I are thinking of creating a clothing line...maxine (kim's middle name) would be the name, at least for the moment. And then I'm gonna have my photography business on top of that..alykhan even said i can use myrtle to hone my skills...I'm gonna use what ever money I get from MAXINE and put it towards a good camera. I'm so excited. No more anonymous monotany...yay!
more later
Nate, Kim, and I are thinking of creating a clothing line...maxine (kim's middle name) would be the name, at least for the moment. And then I'm gonna have my photography business on top of that..alykhan even said i can use myrtle to hone my skills...I'm gonna use what ever money I get from MAXINE and put it towards a good camera. I'm so excited. No more anonymous monotany...yay!
more later
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ent# 33
Feb. 19th, 2007 | 06:52 pm
location: home
music: come here boy-frou frou
Working at the post office hasn't been as bad as I thought it might be. I fricken hate my bank right now, cause I can't acess any of my money because they have to hold my check for a week because I still have a student account. I'll deal with it saturday cause I have it off. Nate and I are thinking of moving back up to PG this summer... Nathan's gonna take some business courses and I'm gonna save up/buy a good camera...Hopefully (once he's done school, and we've got some money saved up) we're gonna open up a studio...I'm so excited...and everytime I work at CG I look at the baby clothes...as soon as I find out how prego setta is I'm gonna get her some cute baby eco gear...the stuff is absolutely adorable...I can't wait to get back home...I miss having friends...it sucks...but I hide it pretty good...
laters <3
laters <3
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ent# 32
Jan. 22nd, 2007 | 11:10 pm
I no longer attend AI, and by Feb 1st I'll have 2 jobs. Which will keep me mighty busy. So, I work at Cotton Ginny, and a postal office located on the first floor of the mall. So I'll be pulling like 50 hr weeks...which isn't so bad considering I'm getting 9/hr at CG and 10 at the postal office. Went clubbing for the first time on saturday...it was awsome...went to toxic, down town just up from robson & granville....didn't realize it was so expensive tho...had fun none the less...funniest part of the evening/morning was when we all realized my brilliant yellow sweater got fuzzies all over nate's jacket and pants...erm....grinding anyone....alykhan was so disturbed, you shoulda seen his face. Slept in real late sunday...thank goodness I didn't actually have to go to my on call shift. oh...down side to working in a mall---it's impossible to resist a sale...too many...sidewalk sales good....*sigh* gonna go watch family guy and go to bed sometime before 3 (I hope)...I work again tomorrow....
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ent# 31
Dec. 13th, 2006 | 01:47 pm
I had my pace today, and somehow I managed 92%. Now all I have to do is hand in my dvd menu, and all is good. Been cleaning up...still really messy...Nathan's friend is coming over tomorrow night to watch a dvd, and as our dvd player refuses to play dvd's anymore, we'll have to watch it on the puter...lol...must hide all unmentionables...
Oh...my class has a channel, TVFP 201... here's some of our funnier projects: funny
My group did a crapy job, and it's posted on a separate channel..hopefully a better edit is posted soon. We had to post our best push/pull...or hitchcock as some call it...as a homework assignment.
I'm bored...what can I say...I should go wake Nathan up and finish cleaning this place up...meh...then go out to get some stuff..
Laters,
Grace
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ent# 30
Dec. 12th, 2006 | 02:27 pm
The last few monthes have been chaotic. I haven't posted in ages. I'm still going to AI, but for how long...I'm not sure. I like making films and stuff...but I don't think I could make a living at it....Nathan can't. We spent way too much this Christmas...and I don't get enough hours at my new job. I work at Cotton Ginny now. I just adore their sweaters...and the house coats they have in right now are to die for....so soft :D . I'm still training...but Nathan and I fear what will happen when January comes. Money will be tight, that's a certainty. He hasn't gotten too many calls lately....at least he gets to work on his writting. My third quarter is coming to an end...this is my last week. I'm looking into DSLR's...right now...stuck between two....waiting til boxing day before I buy tho... decided (finally) that I want to get into commercial photography. I've been looking at schools. There are a couple that look promising...but I'd have to buy a 35mm film camera...not sure if I want to. I'm excited, I haven't been this excited in a long time. I might ask Kim to design and make some outfits that I can do fashion shoots for. EEEEEEEEE....want to work in a real studio...it would be so much fun...I have been imagining poses and framings...I'm absolutley nutty. Not going to PG this Christmas...so Kim's gonna come over, and we're gonna have our own little Christmas. Kinda bummed out about not going tho....my whole family' s going this year...and I can't afford to. If I'd stayed at McPukes a little longer, I could've...but the atmosphere was getting truly detrimental...and things were getting chaotic...especially during the water advisary. I miss the people tho. BWAHH!
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ent# 29
Oct. 12th, 2006 | 12:50 pm
So I got to choose my own room. I slept on the floor for about two weeks, started school at DP Todd, and discovered I only had two pairs of pants in my bag. My dad took me shopping...most embarrassing thing ever. More about my first day at DP Todd. I registered, and went home. The next day I almost walked to PGSS trying to find my way back to the school alone. I managed to find it, and classes were strange, as most people had been in classes for about 2 monthes by the time I showed up. I didn't get any new girl perks, but sunk lower in the anti-social dream pool. I wasn't enjoying myself. I phoned friends from back home constantly when our phone was hooked up, on a phone card of course (I'd been using a pay phone before that). I made the odd friend, but I still missed home. I met a guy named Paul and our first conversation consisted entirely about the weather. How strange...aren't you supposed to move onto more substantial things to talk about after a few minutes. I had thanksgiving at the Swan's. It was great except I didn't fit in with all the young people. My mom and everyone else was up just after thanksgiving. We didn't have a washer and dryer, so the swans gave us theirs...they were renovating anyway they said. I struggled through math, and I found I really enjoyed film...but not enough to abandon my dream of becoming a doctor. School ended as usual and the trip to Mexico was getting closer. I had worked hard raising money to send myself on the missions trip to Mexico. It took us 56 hours to get to El Paso, with many interesting occurances along the way. Once in El Paso we had a little time to relax and freshen up. The next day we crossed to border into Juarez and our journey really began. We woke early, before light out, to make the most of the day before it got hot out. I learned that sleeping through siesta is unwise and more draining than if you'd stayed awake. We stayed in a cute orange church called Bethesda. The people there were amazing. I couldn't understand much of what they were saying, but then again I didn't need to. We finished building the house in three days, it hardly seemed possible. We went to the market, and I spent way too much money, but it was fun haggling with the venders. We had lunch outside, and a mariochi band played a couple of songs for us. The next day we headed back, but we were afforded more stops. We stopped in Sacramento for a few hours, and we went to the water park there. We contnued on to Chico (california) and stayed overnight there. We saw the town, and went to a cliff diving spot called Bear Creek. I can't swim, so I stuck close to Sam and Corey. They carried me through the parts where I couldn't touch bottom. I only ran into trouble on my way out. I was stepping over a piece of rock I'd stepped over several times, and I lost my footing. There was an underwater current that ran through a tunnel and it pulled me under, Sam tried to pull me out but she wasn't strong enough and her footing was unsure. Some guy forced his way to me and pulled me up in one motion. For the rest of the day people were calling me that girl that was freaking out or bugging...teasing really...me about knocking on heaven's door. We left the next day. I'm leaving a lot out...but oh well. Grade 12 came quickly. I had more friends, but I still was rather anti-social. I decided after my first semester I needed a new career path and film quickly came to the foreground. I asked Paul out, found out some things I might have wished not to know, and attempted to move on badly. Prom happened, and my emotions were still mixed. I stayed at a guys house for the first time, but without fear. Grad came quickly, and I took a friend as an escort. Danced the night away, and went to Caitlyn's after. And then I met Nathan...(talked about elsewhere)
Back to family. I am the middle, oldest, and only child in a family of 5. Sounds contradictorary doesn't it. Technically I'm just a middle child but my family isn't what I'd call normal. My two older brothers are 8-9 years older than me. My younger sister and brother are 5-7 years younger than me. The age gaps make up 3 different families that interact in an odd way. Throughout my life I've experienced the treatment of all 3 classifications I've mentioned. My parents are an odd assortment too. My dad is legally blind, and my mom is illiterate. Neither their own fault. My parents are now seperated, but they work together better than I could ever remember. It's not like they're not civil, they just couldn't agree over money. I believe that Depression runs in my family. My mom has bouts of it and her doctor is looking at whether she's bi-polar or not. My older brother is already on anti-depressants, and since grade 10 I've had cases on and off. My younger sister and brother are both dark creatures at times, and the more I hear/find out about it the more it stings in my heart. As I'm getting married, I'm going to be entering a new family as well. Their family mirrors mine...which is comforting and strange all at the same time. I am not disliked, which is a good thing.
enough for today...
Back to family. I am the middle, oldest, and only child in a family of 5. Sounds contradictorary doesn't it. Technically I'm just a middle child but my family isn't what I'd call normal. My two older brothers are 8-9 years older than me. My younger sister and brother are 5-7 years younger than me. The age gaps make up 3 different families that interact in an odd way. Throughout my life I've experienced the treatment of all 3 classifications I've mentioned. My parents are an odd assortment too. My dad is legally blind, and my mom is illiterate. Neither their own fault. My parents are now seperated, but they work together better than I could ever remember. It's not like they're not civil, they just couldn't agree over money. I believe that Depression runs in my family. My mom has bouts of it and her doctor is looking at whether she's bi-polar or not. My older brother is already on anti-depressants, and since grade 10 I've had cases on and off. My younger sister and brother are both dark creatures at times, and the more I hear/find out about it the more it stings in my heart. As I'm getting married, I'm going to be entering a new family as well. Their family mirrors mine...which is comforting and strange all at the same time. I am not disliked, which is a good thing.
enough for today...
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ent# 28
Sep. 23rd, 2006 | 04:54 pm
As I've promised a part two...
My childhood is remembered as a good and happy time,although I know it is tainted with many a misfortunate and unhappy incedent. I was born in Langley Memorial Hospital, in British columbia, Canada on June 12th 1987. According to my mom I was an overweight baby (thankfully the weight has evaporated since then) and that I was born at an anoying hour of the day. Either really early in the morning or late at night. Also that I was surrounded by my family. I am also told that I was taken to Whitehorse (Yukon) for a family re-union at 10 monthes old. We lived in a motel that bordered Cloverdale (Surrey) and Langley for a few monthes after my birth and perhaps longer that. But I am told that I used to amuse myself over the sign, in that I would jump from side to side saying "I'm in Surrey...Now I'm in Langley". My whole name reads: Grace May Louise Van Fleet. Each name is after someone in my family. Grace is my late aunt's name on my dad's side, may is my late grandmother's name also on my dad's side, and Louise was Fran's (dad's adoptive mom, the grandma I grew up knowing) choice, and of course Van Fleet is our family name which I have been told is translated dutch. Untranslated it reads Van Vliet, which means "from a river". My first birthday was held at the Langley Chucky Cheese. I had few friends, so the party was made up of friends of my brothers, and some girls my own age. Crieg Mutchler (a boy a year or two my senior, and the son of a family friend) gave me a purple penguin that turns pink when heated up a little, I still have this penguin. We went to Vernon while I was probably 2 or 3, the only thing remember of the trip is my aunt's (Sheila) garden and the humming birds that were in them. We moved around a little bit after that. I think we lived at Fran's for a while, and then we moved to Surrey. The first home I can really remember is the Wellington Estates. It is a group of townhouses behind Moffat Park which is beside LA Matheson Secondary School. We lived there for about five years before we moved again. I made some friends while I lived there. A boy named Alex, and a girl named Jennifer Lunquest. They were my bestfriends, and we did everything with each other. Jennifer and I were in gymnastics and swimming together. And I can still remember all the scolding I'd recieve after climbing trees. Things were simple then. We all ran from yard to yard (there were no fences) picking lilacks. I was in kindergarten, mom would walk me there every day because I had a busy street to cross, and I started Beavers the same year. I was one of the first girls to be allowed in Scouting. My teacher at school was a kind person, and my beaver leaders just the same. My sister was born the same year, on June 29th 1992. A bunch of family was there and it was an exciting time. I still spent a lot of time at Fran's although I had a sister now, I don't know if it happened before or after Shelly was born, but I went out with the Lunquest's I believe, we went to the Fraser River to go fishing. I was swimming and I almost drowned. For a long time after that I'd had nightmeres, and always snuck into Mike's (my eldest brother) room to sleep. We moved to 97 A Ave around October 93. We lived in a Aqua coloured rancher with the address 12165. I had my own room, because Shelly was still quite small. Mike and Will (my second oldest brother) shared a room as well. I was in grade one, and I had the best of teachers that year. Also that year, I fractured my wrist falling off the monkey bars. I went to the office and they gave me a compress telling me it was a sprained wrist. My parents weren't satisfied with this, so we went and had it x-rayed. I was given a cast and pent a couple monthes with it on...oh did it ever itch, and when they took it off the saw they used tickled, and my skin smelled sour. I had a few more friends (on of them being Tara, and Amy Wheiler). I had a birthday party that year, and I shared it with Shelly. Most of the friends were mine, but that's okai. I spent a lot of my grade 2 year tormenting the lunch supervisors, and the boys too. Sarah Thompson and I would run around screaming...I also spent my time doing quieter things with Tara. I remember making pupets with her, they were Unicorns, we even had a story to go along with them. Sarah and me would fall off our chairs on purpose, and it would create a good stream of laughter. Mrs.Dewitte never gave up on me, she made certain that I knew how to tell time. I am really thankfull for the attention she gave me, although I didn't always. Andrew Dawson and some of my other friends would play sailor moon or power rangers during lunch or after school. Grade 3 I had Mr.Mechum (a teacher Will had before me), I enjoyed that class a lot. I was even in a play that year. I played the part of a kitten. I remember that the costume was really itchy (I think it was made of burlap) and the paint on my face made my skin feel stretched a little when it dried. Grandpa (Vergil, mom' side) died. I was very sad. He was my favorite. I mostly remember sitting on his lap eating pickled herring. Grade four I had Mr.Sherman (or something), he was a good teacher. He always read aloud from "Chicken Soup For The Soul" and called our messy writting checken scratch. It was a split class that year. I became good friends with Ashley Nath and her circle of friends. I still hung out with Andrew, bacause he lived so close, and was fun to make believe with. Mom used to tease me, saying that he was my boyfriend. That same year I became friends With Kim Pears, and her circle of friends. She lived up the street so I was there often. I had to bring Shelly with me when I went, and I'm ashamed to say, that we weren't kind to her. Grade five I had Mrs.Tambellini. She was great to me, but i didn't like the science techer that would come in. She once made me cry. Everyone would come to me for drawings, and I felt like I had something special to offer. We weren't allowed to go to dances, but it was okai with me because I had no desires for boys yet. Marla and I were quick friends, we met at school, and we lived one house apart. I asked if I could go to church with her, and she was glad to take me. I gave my life to God that year, and recieved my first Bible from my mom in 97. It was a King James Bible, and I hardly knew what the words meant, but I highlighted nearly everything with the idea that it was all important. A friend of Kim's and mine came and she was moved during the service, but at the time I thought it was put on. Grade Six I had Mrs. Buttler as a teacher and I became friends with Jenny Boyce and Britney Labossiere. They weren't super keen on each other but it worked well enough. I spent a lot of time at either house, and a lot of time on the phone. Shelly was quick friends with Kristy (Jenny's younger sister) so I spent a lot of time there. We were now allowed to go to dances, and I did so willingly. I often stood on the side, but I danced with Andrew out of pity. I had a crush on the new boy, Daniel Marchenko...most of us did. Our class did many wonderful things that year. We had a unit on Mars, and made water system models (not a very good description I know, but we had to find ways to get water from one place on Mars to another, in it were colonized). Also, we did a mock trial of Jack and the Bean Stock at the Surrey Provincial Court. It was quite a deal, we took transit all the way there and we all dressed up. I was a lawyer of some sort, so I wore a suit jacket and a skirt. Grade Seven was just as eventful. So full of drama. A bunch of my friends faught over me, and how they don't like so and so...I pulled Amy's hair, and we were all sent to the office. I didn't get in any trouble, but they needed my side of the story. Later that year I was in a spat with Britney and Jenny, and I thought they were conspiring against me. I heard Britney whisper something, heard my name attached, ran accross the field and kicked her in the stomach, no teachers saw, but my classmates had, and so I was popular for a day. The whole thing was cleared up and we were as thick as stew again. I was baptized April 14th 2000, and I was full of enthusiasm. I brought my Bible to school, and offered to tell what I knew to anyone who wanted to know. That same year Jenny moved, and I went to Kamloops for Youth Convention (YC) for the May long weekend. Something important happened between grade 7 and 8 for me. I say it is important only because it changed me. It was the middle of the night, and my dad came into my room. He must have been really drunk, and thought me my mom when she was younger. He touched me in some inappropriate places. He left the room, and when he returned he was naked. I had some inclination of what he had in mind, so I made some excuse and locked myself in the bathroom. I cried for a long while, but I kept it too myself. I always kept the door locked, and I distanced myself from my dad. Grade 8 was an interesting time. Britney and I became really good friends, and had many of the same classes. I went to LA Matheson, just like my older brother's had. Most of my teachers were quite enjoyable, but of course there are the odd bunch. I went to my first reall dance, but I didn't do much dancing. I was now in scouts, having moved on from cubs. I had a brief infatuation with a boy named Blair Smith. Both Britney and I shared this infatuation. I continued to go to Youth Group, and enjoyed helping out with Kids Club on saturdays. Grade 9. Britney had to cut her hair, and her dad did it. She came to school the next day with a terrible hair cut, and a very sullen look on her face. I felt bad for her, especially because it was just before photos. School was going well for me, and Britney moved to Chilliwack. We still talked on the phone. I even went up for easter. I no longer held too much of an attachment for Blair, but Britney egged me on. I had a good group of friends, and many an inside joke. Grade 10 wasn't nearly as sunny for me. The death of my grandma (Verna, mom's side, she died a year or so before) had finally sunk in, as well as adolescent anxiety. I had come back from a camp, and pulled my pocket knife out and tried to slit my wrists...the knife was too dull tho. Teachers started to notice a certain trend in my writting and checked me on it. It all ended in an apology letter and a trip to the councellor's office (my friend's doing). I ended up confiding in Blair (Blair Smith). Mostly because he knew so little of me, and we had been in scouts together. He talked me through a lot of things, and kept me at least a little sane. No one in my family could have guessed. I spent so much time in my room anyway. I went out with a couple guys (online anyway...not really going out, as it was all long distance. It all ended very quickly, and I turned my attention elseware. I went to youth a lot, as well as club med (our wednesday meeting) and became fond of my friend Kirk (McIntyre). Mostly I think it was because I was so lonely. I had a lot of fun at that time, but I was still very clouded. I got into cutting for a while, and I had to get Kirk to brake the knife, and I made sure I called someone when I started to get jittery. I wrote Kirk love letters, but he never responded. Grade 11. Talk of moving had died down a little. I enrolled at LA Matheson again. A little more cheerful than the last. I spent a lot of time with Kirk and Mark (Kirk's twin). But moving peaked it's nasty little head again. I went to camp sunshine (beside the horseshoe bay ferry) for a weekend retreat, with the looming fact that I would be dropped off at a greyhound on the way back. Tawny gave me the awsome news that I wouldn't, and when we got home I invited KIrk, Mark, and Jessy (Nanka) to come over. The night was great fun, and I almost got a kiss out of Kirk. A week later I got a call while at school that I was leaving that night for Prince George. The whole day I spent saying goodbye. I packed when I got home and I called everyone I could think of. I went to Kirk's but they weren't home, so I went to Anneka's (Ris's, like a second family) and said my goodbye's there. They loaded me up with good things and sent me on my way. I stopped my Kirk's again, and we said our goodbye's. He told me "keep your chin up, you see more that way" or something of the sort. I hadn't the heart to look back. I was afraid he'd see me cry. I got home just in time. And off to the depot we went. It was a long and uncomfertable trip and no one met me on the other side,. So I phoned mom, and then Tricia-mom (Ris), and we made some arrangements. Meagan Swan (a friend of the Ris's) picked me up and we searched for my dad. It didn't go so well. I stayed at their house for the night, and my dad got a hold of them the next day. I got to choose my own room. It was great.
my hands hurt. more later in part three
My childhood is remembered as a good and happy time,although I know it is tainted with many a misfortunate and unhappy incedent. I was born in Langley Memorial Hospital, in British columbia, Canada on June 12th 1987. According to my mom I was an overweight baby (thankfully the weight has evaporated since then) and that I was born at an anoying hour of the day. Either really early in the morning or late at night. Also that I was surrounded by my family. I am also told that I was taken to Whitehorse (Yukon) for a family re-union at 10 monthes old. We lived in a motel that bordered Cloverdale (Surrey) and Langley for a few monthes after my birth and perhaps longer that. But I am told that I used to amuse myself over the sign, in that I would jump from side to side saying "I'm in Surrey...Now I'm in Langley". My whole name reads: Grace May Louise Van Fleet. Each name is after someone in my family. Grace is my late aunt's name on my dad's side, may is my late grandmother's name also on my dad's side, and Louise was Fran's (dad's adoptive mom, the grandma I grew up knowing) choice, and of course Van Fleet is our family name which I have been told is translated dutch. Untranslated it reads Van Vliet, which means "from a river". My first birthday was held at the Langley Chucky Cheese. I had few friends, so the party was made up of friends of my brothers, and some girls my own age. Crieg Mutchler (a boy a year or two my senior, and the son of a family friend) gave me a purple penguin that turns pink when heated up a little, I still have this penguin. We went to Vernon while I was probably 2 or 3, the only thing remember of the trip is my aunt's (Sheila) garden and the humming birds that were in them. We moved around a little bit after that. I think we lived at Fran's for a while, and then we moved to Surrey. The first home I can really remember is the Wellington Estates. It is a group of townhouses behind Moffat Park which is beside LA Matheson Secondary School. We lived there for about five years before we moved again. I made some friends while I lived there. A boy named Alex, and a girl named Jennifer Lunquest. They were my bestfriends, and we did everything with each other. Jennifer and I were in gymnastics and swimming together. And I can still remember all the scolding I'd recieve after climbing trees. Things were simple then. We all ran from yard to yard (there were no fences) picking lilacks. I was in kindergarten, mom would walk me there every day because I had a busy street to cross, and I started Beavers the same year. I was one of the first girls to be allowed in Scouting. My teacher at school was a kind person, and my beaver leaders just the same. My sister was born the same year, on June 29th 1992. A bunch of family was there and it was an exciting time. I still spent a lot of time at Fran's although I had a sister now, I don't know if it happened before or after Shelly was born, but I went out with the Lunquest's I believe, we went to the Fraser River to go fishing. I was swimming and I almost drowned. For a long time after that I'd had nightmeres, and always snuck into Mike's (my eldest brother) room to sleep. We moved to 97 A Ave around October 93. We lived in a Aqua coloured rancher with the address 12165. I had my own room, because Shelly was still quite small. Mike and Will (my second oldest brother) shared a room as well. I was in grade one, and I had the best of teachers that year. Also that year, I fractured my wrist falling off the monkey bars. I went to the office and they gave me a compress telling me it was a sprained wrist. My parents weren't satisfied with this, so we went and had it x-rayed. I was given a cast and pent a couple monthes with it on...oh did it ever itch, and when they took it off the saw they used tickled, and my skin smelled sour. I had a few more friends (on of them being Tara, and Amy Wheiler). I had a birthday party that year, and I shared it with Shelly. Most of the friends were mine, but that's okai. I spent a lot of my grade 2 year tormenting the lunch supervisors, and the boys too. Sarah Thompson and I would run around screaming...I also spent my time doing quieter things with Tara. I remember making pupets with her, they were Unicorns, we even had a story to go along with them. Sarah and me would fall off our chairs on purpose, and it would create a good stream of laughter. Mrs.Dewitte never gave up on me, she made certain that I knew how to tell time. I am really thankfull for the attention she gave me, although I didn't always. Andrew Dawson and some of my other friends would play sailor moon or power rangers during lunch or after school. Grade 3 I had Mr.Mechum (a teacher Will had before me), I enjoyed that class a lot. I was even in a play that year. I played the part of a kitten. I remember that the costume was really itchy (I think it was made of burlap) and the paint on my face made my skin feel stretched a little when it dried. Grandpa (Vergil, mom' side) died. I was very sad. He was my favorite. I mostly remember sitting on his lap eating pickled herring. Grade four I had Mr.Sherman (or something), he was a good teacher. He always read aloud from "Chicken Soup For The Soul" and called our messy writting checken scratch. It was a split class that year. I became good friends with Ashley Nath and her circle of friends. I still hung out with Andrew, bacause he lived so close, and was fun to make believe with. Mom used to tease me, saying that he was my boyfriend. That same year I became friends With Kim Pears, and her circle of friends. She lived up the street so I was there often. I had to bring Shelly with me when I went, and I'm ashamed to say, that we weren't kind to her. Grade five I had Mrs.Tambellini. She was great to me, but i didn't like the science techer that would come in. She once made me cry. Everyone would come to me for drawings, and I felt like I had something special to offer. We weren't allowed to go to dances, but it was okai with me because I had no desires for boys yet. Marla and I were quick friends, we met at school, and we lived one house apart. I asked if I could go to church with her, and she was glad to take me. I gave my life to God that year, and recieved my first Bible from my mom in 97. It was a King James Bible, and I hardly knew what the words meant, but I highlighted nearly everything with the idea that it was all important. A friend of Kim's and mine came and she was moved during the service, but at the time I thought it was put on. Grade Six I had Mrs. Buttler as a teacher and I became friends with Jenny Boyce and Britney Labossiere. They weren't super keen on each other but it worked well enough. I spent a lot of time at either house, and a lot of time on the phone. Shelly was quick friends with Kristy (Jenny's younger sister) so I spent a lot of time there. We were now allowed to go to dances, and I did so willingly. I often stood on the side, but I danced with Andrew out of pity. I had a crush on the new boy, Daniel Marchenko...most of us did. Our class did many wonderful things that year. We had a unit on Mars, and made water system models (not a very good description I know, but we had to find ways to get water from one place on Mars to another, in it were colonized). Also, we did a mock trial of Jack and the Bean Stock at the Surrey Provincial Court. It was quite a deal, we took transit all the way there and we all dressed up. I was a lawyer of some sort, so I wore a suit jacket and a skirt. Grade Seven was just as eventful. So full of drama. A bunch of my friends faught over me, and how they don't like so and so...I pulled Amy's hair, and we were all sent to the office. I didn't get in any trouble, but they needed my side of the story. Later that year I was in a spat with Britney and Jenny, and I thought they were conspiring against me. I heard Britney whisper something, heard my name attached, ran accross the field and kicked her in the stomach, no teachers saw, but my classmates had, and so I was popular for a day. The whole thing was cleared up and we were as thick as stew again. I was baptized April 14th 2000, and I was full of enthusiasm. I brought my Bible to school, and offered to tell what I knew to anyone who wanted to know. That same year Jenny moved, and I went to Kamloops for Youth Convention (YC) for the May long weekend. Something important happened between grade 7 and 8 for me. I say it is important only because it changed me. It was the middle of the night, and my dad came into my room. He must have been really drunk, and thought me my mom when she was younger. He touched me in some inappropriate places. He left the room, and when he returned he was naked. I had some inclination of what he had in mind, so I made some excuse and locked myself in the bathroom. I cried for a long while, but I kept it too myself. I always kept the door locked, and I distanced myself from my dad. Grade 8 was an interesting time. Britney and I became really good friends, and had many of the same classes. I went to LA Matheson, just like my older brother's had. Most of my teachers were quite enjoyable, but of course there are the odd bunch. I went to my first reall dance, but I didn't do much dancing. I was now in scouts, having moved on from cubs. I had a brief infatuation with a boy named Blair Smith. Both Britney and I shared this infatuation. I continued to go to Youth Group, and enjoyed helping out with Kids Club on saturdays. Grade 9. Britney had to cut her hair, and her dad did it. She came to school the next day with a terrible hair cut, and a very sullen look on her face. I felt bad for her, especially because it was just before photos. School was going well for me, and Britney moved to Chilliwack. We still talked on the phone. I even went up for easter. I no longer held too much of an attachment for Blair, but Britney egged me on. I had a good group of friends, and many an inside joke. Grade 10 wasn't nearly as sunny for me. The death of my grandma (Verna, mom's side, she died a year or so before) had finally sunk in, as well as adolescent anxiety. I had come back from a camp, and pulled my pocket knife out and tried to slit my wrists...the knife was too dull tho. Teachers started to notice a certain trend in my writting and checked me on it. It all ended in an apology letter and a trip to the councellor's office (my friend's doing). I ended up confiding in Blair (Blair Smith). Mostly because he knew so little of me, and we had been in scouts together. He talked me through a lot of things, and kept me at least a little sane. No one in my family could have guessed. I spent so much time in my room anyway. I went out with a couple guys (online anyway...not really going out, as it was all long distance. It all ended very quickly, and I turned my attention elseware. I went to youth a lot, as well as club med (our wednesday meeting) and became fond of my friend Kirk (McIntyre). Mostly I think it was because I was so lonely. I had a lot of fun at that time, but I was still very clouded. I got into cutting for a while, and I had to get Kirk to brake the knife, and I made sure I called someone when I started to get jittery. I wrote Kirk love letters, but he never responded. Grade 11. Talk of moving had died down a little. I enrolled at LA Matheson again. A little more cheerful than the last. I spent a lot of time with Kirk and Mark (Kirk's twin). But moving peaked it's nasty little head again. I went to camp sunshine (beside the horseshoe bay ferry) for a weekend retreat, with the looming fact that I would be dropped off at a greyhound on the way back. Tawny gave me the awsome news that I wouldn't, and when we got home I invited KIrk, Mark, and Jessy (Nanka) to come over. The night was great fun, and I almost got a kiss out of Kirk. A week later I got a call while at school that I was leaving that night for Prince George. The whole day I spent saying goodbye. I packed when I got home and I called everyone I could think of. I went to Kirk's but they weren't home, so I went to Anneka's (Ris's, like a second family) and said my goodbye's there. They loaded me up with good things and sent me on my way. I stopped my Kirk's again, and we said our goodbye's. He told me "keep your chin up, you see more that way" or something of the sort. I hadn't the heart to look back. I was afraid he'd see me cry. I got home just in time. And off to the depot we went. It was a long and uncomfertable trip and no one met me on the other side,. So I phoned mom, and then Tricia-mom (Ris), and we made some arrangements. Meagan Swan (a friend of the Ris's) picked me up and we searched for my dad. It didn't go so well. I stayed at their house for the night, and my dad got a hold of them the next day. I got to choose my own room. It was great.
my hands hurt. more later in part three
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ent# 27
Sep. 22nd, 2006 | 10:14 pm
Today at work things were slow for a while...So I compiled a list of things I wanted to write about...So here it goes. I'm gonna dive in and see where it goes.
I've decided that I have no need for classifications or groups of people and they have no need for me. I've jumped around from group to group my entire life. If only I had been able to stay in some sort of ignorant bliss...the kind childhood provides for a short time. But all this jumping around has left me sore. A person once called me emo, I laughed because I had no idea what they were calling me, and went on my own way for a while. Then curiosity took the better of me and I had to know what it meant. I looked up a billion songs, and decided I loved almost all of them. As well as all that I looked at said "specifications" and matched nearly all...except my hair style (and that quickly changed) and I was clearly anti-social enough...So I played the part just a little...But now...Now that I am no longer in search of something to complete me (ie. Love) I have no need for all this playing up of myself, but find I fit neither in or out of a group. It really is kind of disappointing, to have tried so hard to fit in, but fail so miserably.
The coming of fall is one of my favorite times of the year. The air becomes crisper, and when you breath in there is a sweetness that lingers for just a brief but beautiful moment and it makes you almost sad once it disappears, but you inhale, and it is there again. During this time I don't even seem to mind the rain all that much, because in it's own way, it too is beautiful. But at the same time I find myself despondent because so much life is begining to fade away. The animals hurry about and too many crows crowd together.
I am now entering my third quarter of school and I am really rather excited. I just got an e-mail today, and it had some really exciting news. I have been nominated to recieve a bursary for just over 2000 dollars. That's nearly an entire quarter for me. I've never won a bursary before, which makes it all the more exciting.
I've been reading about Anne Frank again. I never seem to tire of her tale. I came upon a book about her in grade 7, and she's been my role model/hero ever since. The more I read about her, the more I realize that we share more in common than just a birth date. I'm just about done reading the book (which a bought for a thrifty 35 cents) and I can bearly put the book down. Oh Anne, I wish we could have been friends.
Nathan and I have been living together for almost a year now, strange how we've only been together for just over a year...I know it must look terrible on my part, but it just worked out that way. I suppose I should explain how Nathan and I got to know each other in the first place...
May 27th 2005. I was getting ready for grad dance, my friend Matt said he'd pick me up (he was my date, an escort really) and off we went in his truck. Pictures of the grads in their fine attire were taken and at some point we went inside (my other guests did not show). I had a great time, dancing (with Seta mostly). I was there until the end, but I did not meat Nathan there, in fact I don't remember seeing him at all. As I was invited to Caitlin's Grad Party, I had Mat drop me off at her house (he lived right up the street). I phoned my mom, letting her know I'd be staying the night and changed out of my dress into something more caual. I only knew a hand full of people so I hung out with Dawn, Mona, Billy, and Seta for a while (having a sip or two of their coolers), and I hung out with Donnie for a while after that. At about 2am Julie(Caitlin's mom) told us light's out. I was supposed to sleep in Donnie's car, but they never came back for me. Instead I slept on the hide-a-bed. A guy named bret (creepy sock guy) was supposed to sleep on the bed as well but Nathan decided to switch places with him. I tried to sleep desperately, but to no avail. I was to nervous... I faced the wall, hoping for morning to come quickly, but Nathan must have sensed my unease. He kept poking me, asking "are you comfertable", "do you need more blanket", each time my quick reply was, "yes"..."yes I'm fine". He let me alone, and at some point in the night i found his arm lying on my waist. I grabbed his arm towards my chest and he pulled me close to him. It was a splended fealing, and I was truly contented: it was the first time I'd really been embraced my a man. A short while later I found myself gazing straight into my eyes, and it was like time slowed, he moved in closer, and he kissed me. It was the most wonderful and nervracking/scary moments of my life. The rest of the night Nathan and I spent in each others arms, talking and making out. Nothing else happened (to everyone elses disbelief). The next morning we exchanged numbers. The next few weeks were trying ones. I didn't have internet at home so I had to go to the library to talk to him. The longings we each felt were entense, but being unsure we tried everything we could think of to push each other away. This only succeded in drawing us closer. Internet at home finally happened and I spent a lot of time talking to him on MSN. I'd stay up til about 6am and saunter downstairs when I heard my mom creaking about upstairs. I'd sleep all day, and the cycle would occur again. I did this for almost the whole of July. But in August I started thinking of ways to get to Vancouver. I lied to my mom, saying that I was heading down with Kim (Nathan's sister). It even went as far as droping me off at Kim's. After I was at KIm's we headed to the greyhound. It was raining and dark, and neither Kim nor I said much, barely a word. We caught a bus for part of the way, and had to walk the rest of the way. By the time I got there and took my bag off my shoulder I couldn't walk a straight line. It was really rather funny. I got on the phone right away and talked to Nathan, to find out what name the ticket was under. I got the ticket, and soon I was on the bus. I don't remember much of the trip, it was all pretty much a blur. But I do remember my arrival in Vancouver. I got off the bus, and I was waiting for my luggage to be unloaded when I get a tap on the shoulder. I turn around and there's Nathan with a bouquet of lilies (my favorite flower) and a huge (but tired) grin on his face. The only thing I could think to do was to kiss him, and we kissed...oh...what a kiss...lol...I hadn't even noticed the flowers. He took me onto a skytrain and then a bus, to the beautiful 800 Grand. We dropped off my stuff and met up with a friend of Nathan's, Bren, for pizza. Later that day we wandered around Lonsdale and I bought him a gelato. It was good. That night (August 5th 2005) was the most memerable night for me. He took me home (after hanging out with friends) and we made love for the first time. He was good to me, and very gentle. And he was considerate of me, in not letting me know how awkward I really was. The room smelt of lillies (they were in a vase in the corner), and everything was as it should be. He was my first kiss, and my first time as well. August was a hard month for me. I stayed at my brother's (Mike) and the longing was unbearable. More and more my things began to litter his room, and at some point I just stayed there.
Jan 6/7 2006
At about 1:30 am Nathan proposed to me. And this is the story we rarely tell:
We were in bed, and he looked at me, our eyes were held together by love, and he proposed to me right there.(He had asked a lot of hypothetical proposals while we were at his mom's for christmas, he even bought me another promise ring, which I still wear because it's so pretty). We made love, and fell asleep in each other's arms. He bought me a ring about a month later, off of ebay...it was my idea...it's made of silver and cubic zerconia...and Nathan is adamant that he'll get me a "reall" engagement ring. He's so sweet to me...when the ring arrived, he got down on one knee and proposed to me agai. And for a while, everytime I had to put the ring back on, he'd say a quick proposal on the spot, and put the ring back on my finger. I'm so excited about our wedding. Look forward to the summer of 2008.
Although Nathan and I live together I try not to think of it as living in sin. In my parent's and our eyes we're already married, except without all the pomp of a cerimony. But at times my inerself doubts, and I cry because I fear my moral fiber is streached too thin. Nathan hold's me, and all is well.
I found the pattern for my wedding dress. It is a vintage Vogue. It's absolutely gorgeous. I just hope Julie can manage.
My job isn't all that exciting, but it is just that, a job. I work at McDonalds as a cashier and it isn't all that bad most of the time. Someohow I've managed a year at the place, and have only attempted to quit once. I like the people there, and it isn't too taxing. But someties I want to scream, and run out of the place. I've had sexist remarks, and unind looks, but by far the friendly creeps are the worse. I hate how people recognize me on the street, and talk to me like they're best friends, as if they could really know me. But the hours are flexable. And I should be getting a raise some time soon.
I don't have much of a social life, as my days are spent at school, work, or at home with Nathan. You could argue that school is social, and that work is too...but I have to disagree, with this in mind: I don't spend time with these people outside of these institutions...so I don't consider it to me a social life. Nathan is my only real social interaction, and we do go out, when we think we can afford it. I wish I had some real friends again. All of mine live so far away.
I just started drinking this year. And I still prove to be a cheap drunk. I've been drunk all of two times, but the first I can tell in reall detail. We were sitting on the couch and I was drinking a cooler (a vex) and I finished it, and Nathan passes me another. I finished both in less than an hour...causing me to become inebriated rather quickly. I was very tipsy that night...I kept hitting my head on the wall, so Nathan moved me to the bed. I lay half on and half off the bed saying some rather queer things such as "no!...Orange is THAT colour" and laughing my head off. I felt like vomiting so Nathan got me to the washroom, but I didn't vomit. Once on the bed again I passed out. And thank goodness no vomiting in the night, and no hangover in the morning. Oddly enough, I got drunk then, but not on my birthday.
I've written quite too much already. I will make a part two tomorrow. May the rambling continue. Cheers.
I've decided that I have no need for classifications or groups of people and they have no need for me. I've jumped around from group to group my entire life. If only I had been able to stay in some sort of ignorant bliss...the kind childhood provides for a short time. But all this jumping around has left me sore. A person once called me emo, I laughed because I had no idea what they were calling me, and went on my own way for a while. Then curiosity took the better of me and I had to know what it meant. I looked up a billion songs, and decided I loved almost all of them. As well as all that I looked at said "specifications" and matched nearly all...except my hair style (and that quickly changed) and I was clearly anti-social enough...So I played the part just a little...But now...Now that I am no longer in search of something to complete me (ie. Love) I have no need for all this playing up of myself, but find I fit neither in or out of a group. It really is kind of disappointing, to have tried so hard to fit in, but fail so miserably.
The coming of fall is one of my favorite times of the year. The air becomes crisper, and when you breath in there is a sweetness that lingers for just a brief but beautiful moment and it makes you almost sad once it disappears, but you inhale, and it is there again. During this time I don't even seem to mind the rain all that much, because in it's own way, it too is beautiful. But at the same time I find myself despondent because so much life is begining to fade away. The animals hurry about and too many crows crowd together.
I am now entering my third quarter of school and I am really rather excited. I just got an e-mail today, and it had some really exciting news. I have been nominated to recieve a bursary for just over 2000 dollars. That's nearly an entire quarter for me. I've never won a bursary before, which makes it all the more exciting.
I've been reading about Anne Frank again. I never seem to tire of her tale. I came upon a book about her in grade 7, and she's been my role model/hero ever since. The more I read about her, the more I realize that we share more in common than just a birth date. I'm just about done reading the book (which a bought for a thrifty 35 cents) and I can bearly put the book down. Oh Anne, I wish we could have been friends.
Nathan and I have been living together for almost a year now, strange how we've only been together for just over a year...I know it must look terrible on my part, but it just worked out that way. I suppose I should explain how Nathan and I got to know each other in the first place...
May 27th 2005. I was getting ready for grad dance, my friend Matt said he'd pick me up (he was my date, an escort really) and off we went in his truck. Pictures of the grads in their fine attire were taken and at some point we went inside (my other guests did not show). I had a great time, dancing (with Seta mostly). I was there until the end, but I did not meat Nathan there, in fact I don't remember seeing him at all. As I was invited to Caitlin's Grad Party, I had Mat drop me off at her house (he lived right up the street). I phoned my mom, letting her know I'd be staying the night and changed out of my dress into something more caual. I only knew a hand full of people so I hung out with Dawn, Mona, Billy, and Seta for a while (having a sip or two of their coolers), and I hung out with Donnie for a while after that. At about 2am Julie(Caitlin's mom) told us light's out. I was supposed to sleep in Donnie's car, but they never came back for me. Instead I slept on the hide-a-bed. A guy named bret (creepy sock guy) was supposed to sleep on the bed as well but Nathan decided to switch places with him. I tried to sleep desperately, but to no avail. I was to nervous... I faced the wall, hoping for morning to come quickly, but Nathan must have sensed my unease. He kept poking me, asking "are you comfertable", "do you need more blanket", each time my quick reply was, "yes"..."yes I'm fine". He let me alone, and at some point in the night i found his arm lying on my waist. I grabbed his arm towards my chest and he pulled me close to him. It was a splended fealing, and I was truly contented: it was the first time I'd really been embraced my a man. A short while later I found myself gazing straight into my eyes, and it was like time slowed, he moved in closer, and he kissed me. It was the most wonderful and nervracking/scary moments of my life. The rest of the night Nathan and I spent in each others arms, talking and making out. Nothing else happened (to everyone elses disbelief). The next morning we exchanged numbers. The next few weeks were trying ones. I didn't have internet at home so I had to go to the library to talk to him. The longings we each felt were entense, but being unsure we tried everything we could think of to push each other away. This only succeded in drawing us closer. Internet at home finally happened and I spent a lot of time talking to him on MSN. I'd stay up til about 6am and saunter downstairs when I heard my mom creaking about upstairs. I'd sleep all day, and the cycle would occur again. I did this for almost the whole of July. But in August I started thinking of ways to get to Vancouver. I lied to my mom, saying that I was heading down with Kim (Nathan's sister). It even went as far as droping me off at Kim's. After I was at KIm's we headed to the greyhound. It was raining and dark, and neither Kim nor I said much, barely a word. We caught a bus for part of the way, and had to walk the rest of the way. By the time I got there and took my bag off my shoulder I couldn't walk a straight line. It was really rather funny. I got on the phone right away and talked to Nathan, to find out what name the ticket was under. I got the ticket, and soon I was on the bus. I don't remember much of the trip, it was all pretty much a blur. But I do remember my arrival in Vancouver. I got off the bus, and I was waiting for my luggage to be unloaded when I get a tap on the shoulder. I turn around and there's Nathan with a bouquet of lilies (my favorite flower) and a huge (but tired) grin on his face. The only thing I could think to do was to kiss him, and we kissed...oh...what a kiss...lol...I hadn't even noticed the flowers. He took me onto a skytrain and then a bus, to the beautiful 800 Grand. We dropped off my stuff and met up with a friend of Nathan's, Bren, for pizza. Later that day we wandered around Lonsdale and I bought him a gelato. It was good. That night (August 5th 2005) was the most memerable night for me. He took me home (after hanging out with friends) and we made love for the first time. He was good to me, and very gentle. And he was considerate of me, in not letting me know how awkward I really was. The room smelt of lillies (they were in a vase in the corner), and everything was as it should be. He was my first kiss, and my first time as well. August was a hard month for me. I stayed at my brother's (Mike) and the longing was unbearable. More and more my things began to litter his room, and at some point I just stayed there.
Jan 6/7 2006
At about 1:30 am Nathan proposed to me. And this is the story we rarely tell:
We were in bed, and he looked at me, our eyes were held together by love, and he proposed to me right there.(He had asked a lot of hypothetical proposals while we were at his mom's for christmas, he even bought me another promise ring, which I still wear because it's so pretty). We made love, and fell asleep in each other's arms. He bought me a ring about a month later, off of ebay...it was my idea...it's made of silver and cubic zerconia...and Nathan is adamant that he'll get me a "reall" engagement ring. He's so sweet to me...when the ring arrived, he got down on one knee and proposed to me agai. And for a while, everytime I had to put the ring back on, he'd say a quick proposal on the spot, and put the ring back on my finger. I'm so excited about our wedding. Look forward to the summer of 2008.
Although Nathan and I live together I try not to think of it as living in sin. In my parent's and our eyes we're already married, except without all the pomp of a cerimony. But at times my inerself doubts, and I cry because I fear my moral fiber is streached too thin. Nathan hold's me, and all is well.
I found the pattern for my wedding dress. It is a vintage Vogue. It's absolutely gorgeous. I just hope Julie can manage.
My job isn't all that exciting, but it is just that, a job. I work at McDonalds as a cashier and it isn't all that bad most of the time. Someohow I've managed a year at the place, and have only attempted to quit once. I like the people there, and it isn't too taxing. But someties I want to scream, and run out of the place. I've had sexist remarks, and unind looks, but by far the friendly creeps are the worse. I hate how people recognize me on the street, and talk to me like they're best friends, as if they could really know me. But the hours are flexable. And I should be getting a raise some time soon.
I don't have much of a social life, as my days are spent at school, work, or at home with Nathan. You could argue that school is social, and that work is too...but I have to disagree, with this in mind: I don't spend time with these people outside of these institutions...so I don't consider it to me a social life. Nathan is my only real social interaction, and we do go out, when we think we can afford it. I wish I had some real friends again. All of mine live so far away.
I just started drinking this year. And I still prove to be a cheap drunk. I've been drunk all of two times, but the first I can tell in reall detail. We were sitting on the couch and I was drinking a cooler (a vex) and I finished it, and Nathan passes me another. I finished both in less than an hour...causing me to become inebriated rather quickly. I was very tipsy that night...I kept hitting my head on the wall, so Nathan moved me to the bed. I lay half on and half off the bed saying some rather queer things such as "no!...Orange is THAT colour" and laughing my head off. I felt like vomiting so Nathan got me to the washroom, but I didn't vomit. Once on the bed again I passed out. And thank goodness no vomiting in the night, and no hangover in the morning. Oddly enough, I got drunk then, but not on my birthday.
I've written quite too much already. I will make a part two tomorrow. May the rambling continue. Cheers.
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ent# 26
Sep. 14th, 2006 | 10:59 am
Yesturday was full of accomplishment. I opened a bank account, closed another, and got my loan agreement signed. After all that excitement I wandered over to the sally anne, and I peered into the window for a while. If that Pentax isn't uber expensive then it shall be mine (or at least I hope) on Saturday. I bought a bolt of grey fabric that will become a dress I bought a pattern for eventually, only problem: I can't decipher the instructions, and I don't own a sewing machine. I might ask Kim if I can borrow hers. I also bought a tube top, was going to get this really cute purse, but decided not to for some reason. I then went to Subway and then walked home. Once at home I dyed my hair (I am now a brunette again...in Sable brown) and started laundry and dishes, all of which I couldn't do in the morning; the city was working on the watermains and it was our turn to lose water for a while. I fixed my script and nathan called letting me know he was done work (rigging for fantastic four), we met up at brentwood, had some fries from NY Fries, and then went to IHOP because we were still peckish. Then we went home, it was cold, and was starting to drizzle as the bus pulled up to the stop. We got off at hastings and it really began to pour. Nathan and I were soaked, so we decided to wait for the next 137. we stood there in one of the most adorable/romantic poses thinkable: he opened up his jacket and tucked me inside...
Today is the last day of the quarter for me...Strange how I'm not stressed out at all. My storyboard and script are complete, the only thing left for me to do is make a dvd for my first class. The one I made, a word is cut off at the end...today should go swimmingly. I just hope tomorrow fairs as well for me. I need to get someone to cover my shift on saturday so I can go to the bridal show at canada place, otherwise I'll have to pull a no-show, and I really don't want to do that.
Today is the last day of the quarter for me...Strange how I'm not stressed out at all. My storyboard and script are complete, the only thing left for me to do is make a dvd for my first class. The one I made, a word is cut off at the end...today should go swimmingly. I just hope tomorrow fairs as well for me. I need to get someone to cover my shift on saturday so I can go to the bridal show at canada place, otherwise I'll have to pull a no-show, and I really don't want to do that.
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ent# 25
Aug. 25th, 2006 | 04:27 pm
location: home
So I'm almost done my second quarter. The days are stressful. And the days are getting long. I now live in Burnaby. I went up to PG for Josh & Seta's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and provided Nathan and I with some inspiration. I got to see some people I didn't think I would, and I was glad. Of no fault of their own they left without saying goodbye, and I was hurt. And I broke an essential rule of weddings...I was not happy...or at least not near the end...first they left, Nathan's mom told me...and than Nathan left to go to the washroom and ended up talking to someone so he didn't come back for quite a while...which was almost more biting...And I had to pretend all was well...when all was not well...And now I am in pain...of no one's fault but my own...if anyone is to blame. Nathan left for Kamloops this morning...and I miss him sorely...He is only gone 'til monday...but I feel as if my heart is being ripped in twain the farther he is from me...it hurts so...And I can't stop crying...I had planned to go job hunting...go to the clinic to get a family doctor...to return movies...but I can't...The sun is too full of happyness...it mocks me...I just hope this feeling will wane before Kim shows up...I'm so full of weakness...and although she is caring...her humour can be very biting at times....and I don't think I could cope with it...she hasn't called yet...I wish someone could hold me now...but there is no one...I am truly a lone...
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ent# 24
Jul. 18th, 2006 | 10:30 am
location: e201
School has been going well thus far, and I move in 2 weeks. Most things are packed except some clothes...and some kitchen stuff...I'm so excited...it's gonna be just Nathan and little old me...I'm gonna miss our garden tho...maybe Hellen will let me come back to take pictures...but unlikely...
Apparently I've looked a little Blah at work...i'm surprised anyone would notice...but i guess they do...sigh...now i feel bad, cuz i'm gonna be leaving there soon...
Kim, Mona, Nathan and I are going to the beach tomorrow...yay! first time I get to use my bathing suit...and to fix my slowly darkening farmers tan...I'm gonna do my dialogue scene tonight...so all i have to do is capture and edit...ee he he...i chose a scene from jurassic park 3 or something...it shall be fun taking it out of context...we get to watch when harry met sally and maybe some other stuff...ha ha...i should pay attention...update later <3
Apparently I've looked a little Blah at work...i'm surprised anyone would notice...but i guess they do...sigh...now i feel bad, cuz i'm gonna be leaving there soon...
Kim, Mona, Nathan and I are going to the beach tomorrow...yay! first time I get to use my bathing suit...and to fix my slowly darkening farmers tan...I'm gonna do my dialogue scene tonight...so all i have to do is capture and edit...ee he he...i chose a scene from jurassic park 3 or something...it shall be fun taking it out of context...we get to watch when harry met sally and maybe some other stuff...ha ha...i should pay attention...update later <3